One.
It looks lonely standing there by itself, doesn't it? That's how I feel sometimes. Lonely. I know everyone feels that way at some point in there life; I'm not special or any different than anyone else. Here lately though, it's been worse. After almost five years of being divorced, I am just plain lonely.
The feeling is worse around the holidays. At Thanksgiving dinner I'm the only one who doesn't have a significant other sitting at the table beside me. When I go Christmas shopping I'm surrounded by couples who are happily buying gifts for their children or other family members. And then on Christmas morning I imagine all the couples out there opening gifts that their husbands, wives, girlfriends, or boyfriends bought for them. That special gift that they know their significant other is going to cherish forever.
Even when it's not the holidays it's rough. I can't go anywhere without seeing couples laughing, holding hands, and whispering to each other. I miss that. I miss having inside jokes with someone or being able to just give someone a look and they immediately know the meaning behind it. I miss getting a hug from someone when I really need one. I miss having a daily conversation with someone telling them about my day and hearing about theirs. I miss having dinner cooked for me when I come home or cooking dinner with someone. I miss watching movies with someone and trying to figure out whodunit or laughing at the same jokes. I miss snuggling on the coach to watch those movies. I miss everything about being a couple.
If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. I absolutely DO NOT want to get married again. However, that doesn't mean I don't want to have a significant other. I just want to know that there's someone out there who thinks about me...someone who isn't my family (because if your family isn't already thinking about you, I think there are issues that need to be addressed). I want to know that I matter to someone.
I don't HAVE to have someone in my life. I understand this. I am perfectly capable of living my life alone; it's what I've been doing. That doesn't stop me though, from WANTING to have someone in my life. Until that happens, I'll just keep trudging along, smiling at all the happy couples I see, secretly wishing I was one of them.
